Ask Elizabeth: “How Do I Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty?”

Dear Elizabeth,

I’ve been working on setting better boundaries, especially with people who tend to take more than they give. But every time I say no or ask for space, I feel this overwhelming guilt. How do I protect my peace without feeling like a bad person?— Boundaries & Guilt

Dear Boundaries & Guilt,

You just asked one of the most common (and courageous) questions I hear—whether from coaching clients, readers, or friends: “How do I say no without feeling like I’m hurting someone else?”

Let me begin with this truth: Setting a boundary is an act of love—both for yourself and for the relationship.

But I know it doesn’t always feel that way. Especially if you're someone who’s been conditioned to:

• Be the peacemaker

• Avoid conflict

• Keep the harmony at all costs

• Put everyone else’s needs first

• 
  

Here’s what I want you to remember:

Guilt is not always a sign that you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes, it’s just a sign that you’re doing something new. Something necessary.

✨ Why You Feel Guilty—and Why That’s Okay

Guilt often shows up when we go against our ingrained patterns of people-pleasing or over giving. It’s uncomfortable. But discomfort doesn’t mean you’re being unkind. It means you’re growing.

Healthy boundaries are not walls. They’re bridges to better, more honest connections.

When we set boundaries clearly and kindly, we allow others to meet us where we truly are—not where we’re pretending to be.

Try These Peaceful Boundary Phrases

If you’re not sure how to say it, here are a few options to speak your truth with clarity and grace:

• “I’m not able to do that right now, but I hope it goes well.”

• “That doesn’t work for me—but I appreciate you asking.”

• “I need a little space to regroup. Let’s reconnect soon.”

• “I want to be fully present when we talk, and I’m not in that space right now.”

• “I’ve realized I need to protect my energy more carefully. Thanks for understanding.”

You don’t owe an explanation for every no. You owe yourself peace.

From The Peace Guidebook:

In Chapter 4 (Practice), we write:

“Peace isn’t passive—it’s practiced. And one of the most powerful peace practices is the ability to hold your own boundary without apology.”

Your peace matters. Your time matters. Your energy matters.

The people who love you will adjust. The ones who don’t? They were relying more on your compliance than your connection.

And that’s not on you.

A Final Reminder:

The next time guilt creeps in, try flipping the script:

“If I were someone I loved, would I want them to honor their limits or ignore them to make someone else comfortable?”

You know the answer. So treat yourself accordingly.

You’re not being mean. You’re being mature. And most of all—you’re being aligned.

With love and permission to choose peace,

Elizabeth

Want More Support?

Explore The Peace Guidebook and The Change Guidebook for daily tools, affirmations, and stories to help you practice confident, compassionate boundary-setting in every area of your life.

📘 Order your copy at www.percolatepeace.com or find it on Amazon