Ask Elizabeth: How Do I Stop People-Pleasing Without Feeling Guilty?

Dear Elizabeth,

I always try to keep the peace and make others happy, but I end up feeling drained and resentful. I say yes when I want to say no, and I worry about disappointing people, even strangers. How do I stop people-pleasing without feeling guilty?

— Tired of Being Too Nice

Dear Tired of Being Too Nice,

I hear you. So many of us, especially those with big hearts and strong intuition, fall into the trap of people-pleasing. We want to be kind. We want to avoid conflict. We want to be liked. But somewhere along the way, we trade in our truth for someone else’s comfort.

Here’s what I want you to know:

Being kind and being honest aren’t opposites.

You can stop people-pleasing without becoming unkind. You can set boundaries without becoming selfish. And you can say “no” with love, without needing to explain yourself into exhaustion.

The guilt you feel? It’s not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign that you’re doing something new—choosing self-respect over self-erasure.

Let’s Redefine “Keeping the Peace”

People-pleasing often masquerades as peacemaking. But real peace doesn’t come from shrinking yourself to make others comfortable. That’s not peace—it’s quiet pain. It’s bottled resentment. And it’s unsustainable.

True peace begins when we tell the truth about what we need, what we want, and what we can realistically give.

💡 Here's How to Begin:

1. Pause Before You Say Yes

Give yourself permission to say, “Let me check my schedule,” or “Can I get back to you?” This moment of space helps you respond rather than react—and gives you time to connect with what you want.

2. Use Honest, Gentle Language

“No” doesn’t have to be harsh to be firm. Try:

• “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not available.”

• “That doesn’t work for me right now.”

• “I wish I could, but I have to pass this time.”

You're not obligated to justify your boundaries. Your time, energy, and peace are reason enough.

3. Expect the Guilt—and Move Through It

Guilt is a natural part of growth. It’s your nervous system catching up with your new standards. Let it pass through you—but don’t let it stop you. You're not being mean. You're being real.

4. Celebrate Small Wins

Every time you say no when you mean no, you build self-trust. You’re teaching yourself—and others—that your needs matter too.

A Loving Reminder

You’re allowed to disappoint people. You’re not here to manage everyone’s emotions. You’re here to live your truth, love fully, and take care of the body and soul you’ve been given.

So no, you’re not “too nice.” You’re beautifully human. And from now on, your kindness gets to include you, too.

With love,

Elizabeth

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino is a master life coach, bestselling author of The Change Guidebook and The Success Guidebook, and the founder of The Best Ever You Network. Through her books, coaching, and podcast, she helps people embrace their worth, navigate change, and live their best, most peaceful lives.

📚 Explore more at BestEverYou.com

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