Ask Elizabeth: Is Modern-Day Etiquette Still Relevant—Old-School Wisdom for Peaceful Relationships

Dear Elizabeth,

The world feels more chaotic and disconnected than ever. Is etiquette still relevant? And if so, how can it help create more peace in our relationships?

—Searching for Grace in a Fast-Moving World

Dear Searching for Grace,

What a thoughtful and timely question. In an era of swiping, ghosting, oversharing, and constant digital noise, the idea of “etiquette” might feel a bit... quaint. But let’s not confuse etiquette with outdated formality. True etiquette—at its heart—is about respect, presence, and peaceful connection. And yes, it is absolutely still relevant. In fact, we need it now more than ever.

Let’s explore a few modern-day etiquette reminders, inspired by old-school grace, that can help us create more peaceful, meaningful relationships:

🕰️ 1. Slow Down, Look Up, Be Present

Old School: Eye contact, listening without interruption, and writing handwritten notes.

Modern Peace Practice: Put your phone away during conversations. Resist multitasking when someone is sharing with you. Presence is one of the rarest—and most loving—gifts we can offer.

✉️ 2. Follow Up, Don’t Ghost

Old School: RSVPing to an invitation. Returning a phone call. Saying “thank you.”

Modern Peace Practice: If someone reaches out, honor their effort with a reply—even if brief. Thoughtful follow-up creates trust and signals respect. (And yes, “thank you” still matters.)

💬 3. Speak with Kindness, Not Just Honesty

Old School: “If you can’t say something nice…”

Modern Peace Practice: Honesty is powerful, but tone matters. Peaceful people choose compassion with truth. Ask yourself, “Will what I say build up or break down?”

🎁 4. Give Without Expectation

Old School: Bringing a dish to share, writing a thank-you note, showing up in times of need.

Modern Peace Practice: In a world of self-promotion, surprise someone with generosity—no strings attached. Peace begins with selfless giving.

⏳ 5. Respect People’s Time and Energy

Old School: Being punctual, showing up prepared, saying “please” and “excuse me.”

Modern Peace Practice: Don’t double-book. Cancel with courtesy. Honor other people’s bandwidth. Peaceful etiquette means valuing their time as much as your own.

📱 6. Mind Your Digital Manners

Old School: Not interrupting a dinner conversation with a phone call.

Modern Peace Practice: Before you post or text, pause. Ask: “Is this true? Is this kind? Is this necessary?” In the digital world, peace is a conscious act.

🤝 7. Apologize When You’re Wrong

Old School: Owning mistakes. Making amends. Teaching children to say “I’m sorry.”

Modern Peace Practice: Accountability isn’t weakness—it’s strength. A sincere apology can disarm conflict and restore connection faster than any defense ever could.

🌍 The Bottom Line

Modern-day etiquette isn’t about perfect manners or following rigid rules. It’s about living in alignment with your values. It’s about creating small pockets of peace in a world that desperately needs them.

When we lead with kindness, humility, and old-school decency, we create ripple effects—at the dinner table, in the boardroom, and even in our inboxes.

Let’s bring etiquette back—not as a trend, but as a movement for peace.

With gratitude and grace,

Elizabeth